??? in Mystery Box

I don’t watch much Japanese TV, but when I do, I’m reminded why I don’t.

This evening, we’ve got a cute volunteer girl, seated in front of a mystery box. Three straws poke out the top. What's inside? The studio panel and audience already knows the answer because the side of the box facing them is open.

But the girl, she’s in the dark. You can hear the tension rising. Our volunteer takes a sip from the first straw. "What could it be?" she asks with feigned astonishment. The studio audience collectively gasps. Poor girl has no idea what she's ingesting. The panel loses their collective minds.

The second straw? Her face contorts in disgust, but she still can't quite place it. Someone in the back of the audience audibly retches. The tension is unbearable. Studio panel members visibly quiver in excitement.

The third straw approaches. Everyone is on the edge of their seats. Closeup shot as she takes a long, calculated slurp. She savors the taste on her tongue. Music swells. The camera zooms in. Her lips part to reveal... silence. Nothing. She shrugs in utter confusion. The studio is ready to riot. Absolute pandemonium.

Commercial break.

We’re back. Recap of the three life-changing sips. Finally, the big reveal. Cue dramatic music. Cups are slowly extracted from the box. What was she drinking? The camera pans in... three cups, all filled to the brim with slimy semen.
People in the audience are standing, clapping, screaming, like their team just won the World Cup. The poor girl looks genuinely dumbfounded, as though she cannot believe a fellow human being would be so cruel as to feed her three cups of ???? through a straw on live television. The panel? Beside themselves, a chorus of manic bawling, absolute chaos ensues.

Meanwhile, the poor girl just sits there, staring blankly ahead, wondering how her life has come to this moment.